Human Nature

I firstly maturely claimed on my own to follow Jesus, devoted to Him sincerely without expecting anything back in return about two years ago. I was in search for God, wondering who He is, the One i've been told about since before I was born (my grandmother had been a Christian) hoping I would know Him more if I read Bible and have a private conversation with Him regularly, day by day.

I had a doubt several times, after experiencing bad things, after reading some articles, one of them is The Da Vinci Code, another was other religion's texts and histories.

But whether I was in doubt or not, the world would still be going as it is.

I can't put my trust in a thing I don't really understand, in a thing that can't be logically explained.

It was my principal. However, after these past two years, experiencing both good and bad, I now honestly claim: I trust in Trinity, as I trust my Chemistry teacher that water is H2O, consists of Hydrogen and oxygen with a ratio of  2:1, and just now I found an article that explained it not really is. Doesn't mean it was wrong either, better said, what I've been told is an oversimplification.

Because I have very limited capacity. We are all. I am a flashdisk with 2GB memory and the real picture is 10GB. I can't never know the picture unless it is compressed to less than 2GB. And what would I got? A blurry picture. It's not that the picture I got is wrong, but just a simpler one, one that my limited brain can comprehend.

How can one put all water in the world in a little bowl? One can just put a very little bit of them in their own little bowl. Ones who got it from the sea would tell that water is salty. Ones who got it from the river would tell otherwise. And neither of them is wrong. Neither is the water. It's us who's limited.

I can't proove Jesus' rise, but I'd like to put my trust in it.

And to be honest, I used to have another confusion. Why have God created us human? After finding out that human forget Him, living on their own, He still saved us, why don't He simply kill us all, failed creatures? I have a reflection when I think about human itself, Why would a person want to get married and have kids? Knowing that kids just consume all money we earn, growing adult to leave and forget us after we are old and useless. Isn't it the same? I imagine if I have a child who is broken, failed at life or whatsoever, I wouldn't let him die. I must be dissapointed but I would still love him just the way he is, despite of his failure. I am merely human and can think this way, isn't God way way way more than this? My conclusion is, I don't understand why He created and saved us as I don't understand myself why human get married and want to have kids. My answer for now is, either love or avoiding loneliness, or even both. Whether it's true or not, I humbly say I don't know.

My other reflection is, Pride. I didn't get it why God wants us to worship Him. Singing or dancing for Him. Giving offering and such. Does He like watching performances and need money? I reflect to myself and find out that I am, too, love to be praised. I love drawing. And when someone says my drawing is good, I'd be happy. And it's hurtful to see what I did isn't well appreciated. It's very natural. However, I realized as well, I hate fake praises. I hate it when people are nice to me merely because they want something from me. Those kind of praises are meaningless. Worship and praises should naturally and sincerely be given from the lower ones to the upper ones. It's the expression of pure admiration, honour of the creation. With any fake intention behind, it's called bribe.

I do think that this is what is meant by 'creating us in His image, after His likeness'. What He thinks, we think. What He feels, we feel. However, with a fine line between, a separation between cloud and mud.

Well, this is what I got after two years following and learning to understand Him more. I may be wrong or what, but this is where I am now, a second grader. I honestly say I can't state that I am that good little worshipper that doesn't expect anything in return. I do expect! I want this and I want that. I ask God several things and He hasn't given me many of them. Yes I worship Him and yes I want Him to bless me a blessed life. Am I right or wrong I don't know. I am just being honest.