Human Nature

I firstly maturely claimed on my own to follow Jesus, devoted to Him sincerely without expecting anything back in return about two years ago. I was in search for God, wondering who He is, the One i've been told about since before I was born (my grandmother had been a Christian) hoping I would know Him more if I read Bible and have a private conversation with Him regularly, day by day.

I had a doubt several times, after experiencing bad things, after reading some articles, one of them is The Da Vinci Code, another was other religion's texts and histories.

But whether I was in doubt or not, the world would still be going as it is.

I can't put my trust in a thing I don't really understand, in a thing that can't be logically explained.

It was my principal. However, after these past two years, experiencing both good and bad, I now honestly claim: I trust in Trinity, as I trust my Chemistry teacher that water is H2O, consists of Hydrogen and oxygen with a ratio of  2:1, and just now I found an article that explained it not really is. Doesn't mean it was wrong either, better said, what I've been told is an oversimplification.

Because I have very limited capacity. We are all. I am a flashdisk with 2GB memory and the real picture is 10GB. I can't never know the picture unless it is compressed to less than 2GB. And what would I got? A blurry picture. It's not that the picture I got is wrong, but just a simpler one, one that my limited brain can comprehend.

How can one put all water in the world in a little bowl? One can just put a very little bit of them in their own little bowl. Ones who got it from the sea would tell that water is salty. Ones who got it from the river would tell otherwise. And neither of them is wrong. Neither is the water. It's us who's limited.

I can't proove Jesus' rise, but I'd like to put my trust in it.

And to be honest, I used to have another confusion. Why have God created us human? After finding out that human forget Him, living on their own, He still saved us, why don't He simply kill us all, failed creatures? I have a reflection when I think about human itself, Why would a person want to get married and have kids? Knowing that kids just consume all money we earn, growing adult to leave and forget us after we are old and useless. Isn't it the same? I imagine if I have a child who is broken, failed at life or whatsoever, I wouldn't let him die. I must be dissapointed but I would still love him just the way he is, despite of his failure. I am merely human and can think this way, isn't God way way way more than this? My conclusion is, I don't understand why He created and saved us as I don't understand myself why human get married and want to have kids. My answer for now is, either love or avoiding loneliness, or even both. Whether it's true or not, I humbly say I don't know.

My other reflection is, Pride. I didn't get it why God wants us to worship Him. Singing or dancing for Him. Giving offering and such. Does He like watching performances and need money? I reflect to myself and find out that I am, too, love to be praised. I love drawing. And when someone says my drawing is good, I'd be happy. And it's hurtful to see what I did isn't well appreciated. It's very natural. However, I realized as well, I hate fake praises. I hate it when people are nice to me merely because they want something from me. Those kind of praises are meaningless. Worship and praises should naturally and sincerely be given from the lower ones to the upper ones. It's the expression of pure admiration, honour of the creation. With any fake intention behind, it's called bribe.

I do think that this is what is meant by 'creating us in His image, after His likeness'. What He thinks, we think. What He feels, we feel. However, with a fine line between, a separation between cloud and mud.

Well, this is what I got after two years following and learning to understand Him more. I may be wrong or what, but this is where I am now, a second grader. I honestly say I can't state that I am that good little worshipper that doesn't expect anything in return. I do expect! I want this and I want that. I ask God several things and He hasn't given me many of them. Yes I worship Him and yes I want Him to bless me a blessed life. Am I right or wrong I don't know. I am just being honest.

Spinach Pesto Pasta

Bahan (untuk 3 orang) :
- Spaghetti 150 gram
- Bayam 3 ikat kecil
- Kacang tanah 30 gram
- Bawang putih 4 siung
- Keju cheddar 30 gram
- Daging dada ayam tanpa tulang 2 potong
- Tomat ceri 2 buah
- Garam secukupnya
- Merica secukupnya
- Minyak goreng secukupnya

Cara memasak:
1. Ulek/blender bawang putih, kacang tanah, dan bayam sampai halus. Tambahkan garam, lada, dan minyak goreng secukupnya. Sisihkan.
*Tips*
Jangan takut keasinan saat membubuhkan garam. Ulekan mentah  sebaiknya agak keasinan, agar saat digabung dengan spaghetti, rasa asinnya jadi pas dan gurih.

2. Tuang sedikit minyak di atas teflon. Bubuhkan garam dan merica pada satu sisi daging ayam, lalu tumis di atas teflon. Taburi garam dan merica pada sisi yg satu lagi, masak sampai matang. Potong-potong ukuran jari / sesuai selera.

3. Rebus dan tiriskan spaghetti sesuai saran yg tertera pada bungkusnya.
*Tips*
Tambahkan sedikit garam dan 1 sdm minyak goreng dalam rebusan air, agak spaghetti tidak lengket.

3. Tuang sedikit minyak lagi di atas teflon bekas memasak ayam tadi. Tumis ulekan halus, tambahkan keju, lalu tambahkan potongan daging ayam. Masukkan spaghetti, lalu campur hingga merata.

4. Saat hampir diangkat, tambahkan potongan tomat ceri. Aduk sebentar, lalu jadi deh^^.

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Personal Story

Well, I'm kinda easily-influenced type of person. Days ago I went to Ambrogio Pattiserrie and got impressed by the savoury taste of their dishes. Everything is well flavoured, the chicken, croissant, potato wedges, even the salad is delicious! I know they use certain oil and seasoning which is quite expensive. And I just cook for fun, spending too much in stuffs I won't use regularly seems too much for me. But coming to Ambrogio inspired me to cook a delish Western cuisine, with regular ingredients. I've tried creamy pesto pasta in The Cups Cafe before and quite impressed. So, I googled the recipe. Some use basil leaf, but it's hard to find, I must purchase it in specific store such as Setiabudi Supermarket or Riau Junction, and I bet it would be quite pricey. So I use spinach instead, hehe. Spinach is used in other recipes. The recipe above is not originally mine, I modified it from here.

It is quite easy to make and so tasty. I love cooking for some reasons. "If one can make it, why must one purchase it", haha. I've tried some recipes before but I never write down the recipe when I found out, I forgot them all. So starting now, I'll write down the recipes of dishes I've made.

Soursweet Lime of Time

In this one week long holiday
Had a little roller coaster of feelings
Till a time to say good bye
From spending lots of time working

My friend got a wedding invitation job
So I spent most of time cutting paper and stuffs
Early days wasted by much cuts and sobs
Gratefully cured by family gatherings and much loves

Having a relaxing chat with brother
Memorizing our beloved father and grandmother
That have passed away
Leaving many lessons in such a way

Everybody has their own kindness and wickedness
You are and I am as well
See ourself in a way no more or less
Learn wisdom like hearing a ringing bell

My past is a thing so deeply tied with me
No matter how hard  I try and forgive
They will eventually come towards me
Eventhough I refuse to perceive

Forgetting is a whole different thing from forgiving
But a bird learn to walk first
Before being great in spreading the wings
Rather than curse but bless that's burst

So be grateful for this past one week
It has sweetly gone
Wish to have lots more to seek
And keep going on